Hold On

Song: Hold On by Flame
In light of the tragic news of Kim Khardashian getting a divorce, I can't help but think- seriously? What in the world was the point of all the planning and money when really there was no investment in the relationship. The first indicator should be the prenuptial. To me this seems like an out. Either you're in for life, which means everything you own is mine or you think there is some potential that this will not work and this is your back up plan to cover yourself. I honestly don't care about her, her family or the story. But what does sadden me is how flippant some are with relationships and the lack of tenacity and stick-to-itiveness. Aren't some things worth fighting for? And why do we give up so easily? Is it because we really don't want it? Or because it takes work to obtain or keep what is best for us? I started to reflect this in every aspect of my life. Am I really fighting for what I want or am I giving in by settling for what I know? It's easy to fall into that rut. As for today, I say no more.

Movie: Rudy
I love a great underdog movie. I also love Sean Astin. Put the two together and of course this will be on my all time fave list. A college-aged boy has dreams of playing on the Notre Dame football team. Against all odds- his family's disbelief, his low grades and short stature- he proves that with hard work, determination and building friendships along the way- all things are possible.

Hot Glue

Song: Stuck on You by Lionel Ritchie
Some men have duct tape. I have hot glue.

When we first moved into the house- a year ago this month- we had several pieces of crown molding that needed to be secured in place. After 2 attempts by the maintenance man and some nail glue, the 2 pieces of crown molding lay nestled against the wall behind the sheer curtains. If you didn't know it was there well you didn't know it was there. But I did. It bothered me for some months. Months turned into 1 year as I thought I didn't have nail glue to apply and cause this faux wood to stay in place. Until 1 morning I woke up with a thought- nail glue is kind of the consistency of hot glue- it's worth a try. A few days later and those suckers are still in place. Will it last for seasons to come? It's questionable. I've had to repair my repairs with a second coat of hot glue before. I have things hot glued to the walls. Our sectional sofa upstairs is reupholstered with hot glue and staples-- thanks to my crafty friend Tara. What's interesting is this thought came right before church on Sunday when the pastor spoke on using tools aside from their actual function. (i.e. using a shoe for a hammer) There's something to be said about being resourceful.

Duncan the Wonder Dog

Song: Don't Rain On My Parade by Barbra Streisand

My world has recently changed. After several nos from the pet rescuers, I did what any girl desperate for a dog would do- I went to craigslist. This is where I found Duncan. A month prior I picked up a collection of short stories at the library about pet owners who had lost their beloved pets. I knew I would cry. I knew I would want my dog even more. And it was all true. The real concern happened when I found myself tearing up while helping a customer in a tacky embroidery dog t-shirt. Usually it would have been because they were too old to wear such a shirt but for that day it was because I was deemed an unfit parent by the pet rescuers. I would drive home and see people walking their dogs and wonder- did they have to go through rigorous questioning and home visits to get their dog? I don't think that means you love your pet more, it just means you're a serious pet owner. Duncan has been with me a week. He's a 4 month old black Scottish Terrier with brindle tipped ears. He has eyes that make you melt and make me talk in a very high pitched tone. I find myself rushing to want to get home- even taking my seat belt off before rounding the last corner to pull into the driveway.

I absolutely love him. And while he's a puppy and has already chewed through a cord and demolished a heel to one of my shoes, I know that all the training and bumps along the road will be well worth it. To some this may seem ridiculous. But for little ol me, he's the one consistent that needs me to love him. He doesn't judge me. He won't understand me all the time. But he'll never give up on me. He'll be there to console me and to love me along the way. I am so grateful for him.
Movie: My Dog Skip

The Encounter

Song: Strong Enough by Matthew West

I went to my first audition in over a year. In the past year, I have avoided auditioning. I think because I'm not a fan of rejection. But low and behold, auditioning, much like dating, is not all about whether or not you rock or suck. It could be that I'm not the right fit for the role. I've been cast because of my height and hair color before. That doesn't mean that the others had awful hair. It's just that I represented the role of the character more than the others. And so I approached this audition with my newfound life discovery- if I get it, great. If I don't, then I continue putting myself out there for other opportunities. I'll eventually find the right role for me. If necessary, I get to improve on my technique or attitude. They aren't rejecting me. I'm still an amazing girl with dreams and goals.

Movie: Only You

The story begins with a young girl and her friends playing with a quiji board. The name- Damon Bradley, is spelled out as predicted of her future husband. As a adult, a man of the same name calls for her fiance at her home. She finds out that he will be out of town in Italy. Her adventure begins as she and her best friend travel to Italy to find her supposed soul mate. While in Italy, she meets a mess of a man who helps her find the Damon Bradley. When she finally finds the real Damon Bradley, she is diasppointed yet surprised that she has been swept off her feet by the man who was in front of her face all along. This goes to show that sometimes the things most obvious aren't so obvious- especially when we're blinded by foolishness of we think could possibly be.

The List

Song: My List by Toby Keith
Dating, while at times difficult, has it's good points too. I have learned so much about myself in this short window of time. I've learned what is a have-to on my list and what is a good-to-have. This is assuming I actually follow my list any longer. Let me also mention I am a list person. I love making lists. Once I made a list of lists I needed to make. A bit much but that's just me. I started said "things to have in a mate" list when I was 18. This was under no prompting of anyone else. I was playing receptionist at job number 4 and needed something to pass the time during the waiting for the next phone call. On this list, I found it necessary that he like Chinese & Mexican food. I also wanted him to be Tom Cruise-esqe, Drew Carey-esqe, Nicolas Cage-esqe.

He should also want to go to concerts with me even if he didn't like them. Even at the age of 18 I had started my likes and dislikes list- although it was not as accurate as it needed to be. Years later, I heard a story of this woman who made a huge list of everything she wanted in a man- it was about 150 items, down to he needed to play a musical instrument. She met a man who actually fulfilled all but the musical instrument. She was ready to walk away when she discovered he was in fact musically inclined. At the wonderful news of this woman finding a diamond in the rough, I promptly went to work on my list. While I didn't know hair or eye color, I was willing to let God decide this feature. The items on my list seemed reasonable. Weeks, months, years passed as I waited for this list of a man to appear. During that time, I began to loathe the list and narrowed it down to 2 items- Love God, Love me- this seemed easy enough to remember. Present day, I don't have it written down yet but I have started a new list. The things we deem as so important early in life seem to fade with maturity. Sure it would fabulous to have a man with a Tom Cruise smile, a Drew Carey comedic timing- although I would go with Steve Carell today, and the mysterious talent of Nicolas Cage-- even though I can't recall the last movie of his that I've liked (in this decade). There was a brochure I used to teach from called 101 Things to Know Before Dating & Marriage. A lot of questions on this brochure made me laugh--
What is their last name?
Do they have children?
My favorite was, would you hire this person if they applied for a job?
I recently honed in on that question as it is the essence of dating. You apply for the position of being a person's significant other and quickly know within the first meeting if this job is for you. You accept under the terms of a 90 day trial. After 90 days, there will be a review to decide if this is indeed a good fit and things should proceed. Just as every job is not for you, every person is not for you. But sometimes you never know until you try.

Tick Tock

Song: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper/ Time by Culture Club
It's time that we want to speed up to get to the next season of our life. It's time that we want to slow down during a 3 day weekend or vacation. Time is so precious. It's times of waiting that we learn to trust God for His best. It's times of waiting that we learn it's worth waiting. Time helps to gain a fresh perspective. Because in the end, we can hurry things up to get instant gratification for something that is so-so or we can practice patience which perfects and prepares us for what's to come. I continue to convince myself it's worth the wait because deep down I know it is.

Movie: Time Changers
Let me first start by saying I highly recommend not seeing this movie. I saw this time travel movie one New Year's Eve night at church-about 10 years ago. I had just started actively attending church again. Let me also state that when I get involved in something, I'm all in. I went all in to church, no turning back. There were some good points to that. I learned to have a relationship with God. I learned how important it is to give of your time and resources. I learned that God has graced us with talents and gifts. This last point I got but I didn't fully grasp how I could utilize my gifts without having it encompassed in a Christian field. Seeing as my passion was film and acting, Time Changers was my first eye opening experience with a Christian film. I had spent 4 years in college marking off the list of those American Film Institute's top 100 films I watched. Time Changers did not come close in any category of great acting, cinematography, direction or writing. It didn't make the list. I wanted to run out of the building. Instead I watched the movie and left crying and thinking this was the fate I was doomed to have. I thought I could only watch films that had a good message that were G or PG. Because of this, I watched very few movies for about 3 or 4 years. I surpressed the very thing I loved most. So maybe I took this to the extreme. Balance- it seems is something I continue to learn how to obtain. It took time for me to see that I could do what I'm passionate about without it having to involve people acting as biblical characters in their 100% cotton sheets. I realized that more than anything people want to see and experience stories that encourage and motivate them. Who doesn't enjoy a feel good movie? Who doesn't love the passion behind William Wallace in Braveheart? There definitely is a market for Christian film and acting. But ultimately people do not want God to be shoved down their throats. Nor do they want to be a cookie cutter of a person. It is possible to love God with all your heart and be yourself. People want to make the decision themselves. It's our job to expose the truth. It's the truth that empowers people. It's truth that changes heart motives. It's truth that brings freedom. These are the stories I would love to tell. And in time, I will do so.

Pretty Woman

Song: Perfect by Pink
It amazes me how we sometimes see ourselves in light of how we see others. Others around us seem to have it all together. They dress cute. They have flawless skin. They are disciplined with eating and exercise regimines. They wake up on time, without snoozing, for their dream job. They are the epitome of what we desire our life to emulate. The truth is they have just as many complications and difficulties they are working through as we do. No one has a perfect life. No one is perfect.
I was explaining to a friend recently that at times it means more when strangers tell you "you look pretty" moreso than when friends and family sing your praises. Why? Because it's a mother's job to think their baby is beautiful. When someone-- not blood related-- thinks you are worthy of stating a simple compliment, it seems to adhere more to your psyche. Am I discouraging friends and family to compliment me? Absolutely not. I welcome and thrive on all encouragement. Random guy on the stairs, thank you again for thinking I looked good on Saturday night. It made my night. Well... that and my friends and the band and the older balding man dancing while doing the white man overbite.

Movie: Pretty Woman

It's a classic story that we've all come to know and love. Hooker needs money. Hooker hooks and gets money. Hooker is asked by her hookee to be an escort for a week. Hooker falls in love and becomes a lady. I'm pretty certain this doesn't happen everyday. What I do think is great about the story is the character transition. One person, Vivian, lives a lifestyle thinking she can portray something she know she is not. It's not until someone, Edward, pulls her out of her norm to treat her as the special lady she truly is. The truth sets her free.

Things I discovered this week:

The stars look more amazing when sitting on the beach listening to the waves crash on the shore.
Sea shells are beautiful even when crushed.
Children’s laughter is contagious.
I want a large patio with a grapevine trellis and a comfy couch.
Coffee is better when someone brings it to you.
It's better to have God-confidence than self-confidence.
Just because they sell bikinis in your size doesn't mean it's ok to wear them.
Our faults are not as large as we deem them to be.
Gloria Estefan and Barry White make for great pool side music.
Many songs are best when loud. Will Smith- Get Jiggy With It and Miley Cyrus – Party in the USA- two of those songs.
Solo vacations are great. Sharing it with someone is better.

Life is Beautiful

Song: It's a Beautiful Life by Ace of Base
Sometimes it takes a brief respite to revive and refresh, to give you a fresh perspective on life-- on what's important. There is so much beauty to experience in this life that we so often overlook. For one- people. We checked into the hotel yesterday and I encountered such a polite young man who carried up my bags to the room. I discovered that he was going to school at UT Austin and after a few wrong choices is now on academic probabtion and attending ACC in the fall. He told me that he is now back on track and would have to change his major because of his low GPA. I encouraged him to not give up and pursue after his dreams. Mario was humored that I got this individuals life story. I saw it as a means to speak words of life to this person. It's easy to think that what you want to do is not achievable because of the obstacles that stand in the way of getting to that goal. Many times its a word of encouragement or a change of thinking or both that gets someone back on track. I am so thankful for those God has placed in my life. I am forever amazed at His grace and love for me. He knows exactly what I need and when. This mini-getaway has already far exceeded my expectations. I am a blessed woman.

Movie: Life is Beautiful
This beautiful Italian film is a comedic love story set in World War II. A Jewish man, Guido, wins the affections of a wealthy Italian girl, Dora, by his charisma and love for life. They marry and have a son before being taken to a concentration camp. While in the camp, Guido creates a game out of the daily routines to keep his now 4-year-old son calm and oblivious to severity of the situation. Guido's passion and creativity keeps his son alive.

Holding Out For A Hero

Song: Holding Out For A Hero by Bonnie Tyler
Movie: Day 2 of Footloose

Why this hasn't been my theme song sooner, I'm not sure. It is, afterall, my main ringtone. I am not anticipating a white knight to sweep me off my feet. I don't need a tractor race nor drama. What I'd like is someone to woo me and fight for me. Flowers would be nice. Simple gestures of thoughtfulness are great. What's most attractive, however, is someone who is willing to fight. Someone with drive and passion for life and people. And if he could do a warehouse dance like Kevin Bacon, bonus points will be awarded.

The Dance

I recently saw Footloose the musical and was reminded again of why this is one of my favorite soundtracks. It makes me want to dance.
I used to be religious. Let me explain. I absolutely, 100% believe that God created man in His image. I believe that Jesus Christ came to earth to save the lost, heal the broken and redeem mankind so that we could have a meaningful relationship with God. Religion, however, takes this and adds so many rules to cloud and cover the real purpose of Christianity. Jesus' death and resurrection was the most beautiful story of redemption and sacrifice. It's all about love. God is love. He sent His son because of love. He left us with 2 commandments: 1)Love God and 2)Love People. Wearing pantyhose does not make me more godly. It only makes me look more foolish and hot when it's 100 degrees outside. Having tattoos or piercings doesn't make you less godly. It just means you opt for a style that many deem "unacceptable". Dating or courting or not dating or not courting does not make me a better individual. God has a plan for every person's life. He gave us free will and intended for us to use our minds. My plan may not look like anyone else's plan. So wouldn't it behoove me to hear from God about what He wants for me? After all, He made the plan. I used to think that in order to be better/holier than others, a certain set of rules/guidelines dictated by my authority were to be followed. I, at one time, was told that my previous Pastors did not approve of dancing at weddings. I was shocked and appauled at the time-- especially when I had such an eventful entrance planned when they announced Mr. & Mrs. at the reception. In a nutshell, it was Moulin Rouge meets Dirty Dancing (and no my future husband is not a gay man).

Movie: Footloose

Who knew that a cheesy 80's storyline could bring about so much dialogue? No one likes to be supressed or told what to do. Am I abdicating rebellion? Absolutely not. I know it's necessary to have guidelines, rules and standards to live a healthy lifestyle. Too much of anything is not good. Kevin Bacon's character, Reyn, wanted to be free from unwarranted rules. There is a time for everything. A time to fight for what's right. A time for dancing. A time to be free.

Home Sweet Home

Song: Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland

Tonight was one of those nights where the house is clean. The yard is mowed, edged and partially watered. The bills are paid. Everyone is doing what they do before bed. Me-in my room writing. Carol- in her room probably playing solitaire. Tyrese and his friend- playing games. The dog isn’t licking me. Lamps glow throughout the house. My clean sheets are in the dryer. Peace. There’s nothing like it. It’s in these moments that despite the other chaos or upsets from the day, things appear in order and a peace engulfs. These moments seem so rare or perhaps I’m too busy and pass them up. I’m determined to have more.

Movie: Money Pit
Tom Hanks and Shelley Long play an engaged couple who purchase their dream home- a fixer upper. When construction begins in the house everything falls apart, including their relationship. They learn that making a home beautiful takes time and a lot of work, much like their relationship.

Buttercup

Song: Build Me Up Buttercup by the Foundations
Why is it that the unknown is so scary? We stammer or postpone what we know is the right thing to do out of fear. I am a believer that people come in your life for a reason. I was watching a tv show that paraphrased this so well. "Relationships are hard to come by because relationships begin with friendship first. And good friends are hard to find." First it was a nameless man who after a 3 month dating relationship encouraged me to write a blog for healing. Then it was several others. Followed by that one girl and then another guy. We truly have no idea the weight of our words-- how much they can encourage and influence or cut us down. While no person should give us our true value, they do attribute to this. It all stems from knowing who we are and who God created us to be. From this is what we build.

Movie: Princess Bride

Buttercup didn't know what she had until her dear sweet farm boy, Westley, left. While she vowed to wait for him, she felt after years of waiting for her true love to return and hearing of his death from the dread Pirate Roberts, she felt that she had no choice but to move on and marry the spineless prince. No matter how many times I see this movie, I fall in love again with the love story. Along with the many quotable "inconceivable" lines and awesome cast, this has to be in my Top 10 faves.

Hormone Imbalance

Song: Private Emotion by Ricky Martin

I wish I could say it's just because as a child I drank a lot of milk from a drugged up bovine. But I don't like milk. While I'm not a cry baby, it seems I cry much more than my other friends. I'd like to attribute this to my ability to connect to my emotions more than others. I’m learning to put everything out there up front. It’s like a no holds bar. This is who I am. Accept me or move on type attitude. It usually doesn’t take long to know if someone actually gets me. I recently have shared this blog with those who could potentially have some interest in me. Why? Well I feel it’s an easy way to show a couple things. 1) I am a girl and have emotions 2) I will continue to have emotions. Am I emotion led? I try not to be most days. On a date recently, the subject of my blog came up. His astute observation and reservation about me was my 8 year ban of dating has caused me to be emotionally immature. I guess I should expect some criticism when I make myself so open and readily available. It made me question this whole blog process for a moment. Am I immature? It is true I do not have the years under my belt of horrible dates and awkward moments that I have learned to abhor yet embrace so fondly. Dating has caused me to realize what is most important to me. It has caused me to pinpoint more closely what it is I would like in a best friend. While one part of me wants to withdrawal and stay in the pain free- date free bubble, I know that to get to the desired end result there may be a bit of discomfort and self discovery. I don’t regret the blog or fully exposing my weaknesses for all to mock or perhaps even closely resemble.
I believe it's possible to remain a romantic with high hopes while being realistic. Funny but when you dream, you only see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow- end result of happiness and not the muddy, murky, swamp-like river you must tread upstream to get to point B. I guess I'm out to prove what seems to be impossible by the masses. If anything, it should make for a good story.

Movie: Evita

I can't help but think of Madonna when I think of Ricky Martin. I think it may be several factors in my college days. But I felt it an appropriate to transition from Kiki to Madonna. I remember watching this movie and being so fascinated with the pictures and music. I never did engage much with the story but the beauty was there. Despite all the negative reviews, I still liked Madonna. How could you not like "Don't Cry for My Argentina?"

Weeds

Songs: Sowing The Seeds Of Love by Tears for Fears

I know it’s crazy but I actually like to pull weeds. It’s not so much the act of pulling weeds but the appearance afterwards. It’s as if I have actually accomplished something as I look at a large bag full of unwanted growth that I have manually pulled from the earth. My mom taught me this act as a wee young lass. At that time, I hated it. Little did I know the work ethic and attention to detail she instilled in me from these long hours in the yard. I recall coming home from college and sitting in the flower beds with my mom. We had such great talks and quality time together. Now that I’m in a home, I have a yard to maintain. I get the watering and weed pulling duties, along with the planting of the flowers. All things I enjoy doing. I think because it brings me back to a simpler time. It reminds me of my mom and what an awesome woman she truly is. All those summers I had to scrub baseboards, mop the floors and have dinner ready on the table when my parents got home, I can’t thank her enough for preparing me. While these may seem like all trivial duties, it made me grateful for what I have. It made me appreciate what beauty comes from a little elbow grease and sweat on your brow. It’s not easy, and usually not fun, but the dividends make it all worthwhile.

Movie: Ransom
I think it's intriguing just how much my mother loves this movie. I think it's partially because she remembers the plot and has liberty to roll over and fall asleep while it's on. To me, it's a bit sad and dark but I can't help but think of Mama Lynch when I hear it. And that makes me like it.

Don’t Compare, Don’t Complain, Don’t Compete

Song: Good Life by One Republic
I’ve heard the above phrase said numerous times. There have been many a times in which it has helped. It’s difficult not to compare a situation to a previously experienced happening. While I don’t want to live in the past, it seems necessary to take the issues from the past as a point of reference to make judgment calls for the future. I’m just curious as to when the past becomes emotion-free.

Movie: When Harry Met Sally

In the ripe young age of 30, I have come to the realization that life often does not turn out as we expected. I did not expect to be unmarried, childless. I didn’t expect to be living with a roommate and her son. I didn’t expect to still be making copies for others. No. I anticipated my life being somewhat different- maybe a little more picturesque. But even though my expectations are far from reality, I am so blessed. I am blessed that I am single with no children and can make snap decisions at a moment’s notice (because we all know how quickly I am to do that). I am blessed that I live with a great friend and her character of a son who continually love and support me through these last few emotional ridden months. I am blessed that I have a job that I can influence others. While not my dream job, I have provision. For these things I chose to be grateful. I chose for my prospective to be picturesque. Is my life like a movie- some days. I would just prefer it to be When Harry Met Sally over Office Space or Joe vs. the Volcano.

Ode to Disney

Song: Who Says by Selena Gomez

I guess at some age you start to reflect at when times seemed clear-cut and less confusing. And maybe that would be why I am drawn to the bubble gum pop music and movies.

Movie: High School Musical

This is my excuse to put another photo up of Zac Ephron. It makes me laugh that friends and family continue to get me HSM gifts. I can't help but like random breakouts of song and dance. I have tried to share my excitement of several scenes with other friends and they didn't quite get it. It just makes me so happy to see broadway type choreography in a movie. My favorite remains to be the baseball sequence from HSM 2 which has a West Side Story vibe to it. I recently discovered Ballet Austin offers a musical theatre class. I think it has my name written all over it.

Mama Mia

Song: I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
I can't not hear this song without crying. We used this song in my grandmother's funeral (as well as Dancing Queen- that one made me laugh). I heard this song tonight and couldn't help but remember of my little grandmother's legacy. I think of how much she would have loved and supported my writing this blog-- perhaps even writing along side me. She was such a woman of inspiration. She was one that made you feel like the most important person when you entered the room. She asked questions and engaged you in every conversation. It was nothing to go over her home and lose track of time after talking for hours. She loved her family and showed it every minute of her life. She is also the one who inspires me to write. Blogging is really just a fancy way of journaling. Her journals revealed her weaknesses and complexities and hope and dreams and prayers. It was the most precious gift-- her written word.

A Day At The Beach

Song: No Woman No Cry by Bob Marley

I went on my first ever fishing trip. I re-read that statement and it still doesn’t register that it was me that went. It was shortly after the second hour into the first full day that I was over fishing. I sat on a huge rock and bird watched for hours as my friends continued to get their hooks caught in rocks. I started the morning off by catching a sting ray followed by a comical run in the sand. It was there that I attempted to run by the seaweed infested shore only to look like a fish out of water. Funny but no one levels out the sand for those to run. It was when I couldn’t stop laughing that I had to stop running. I was sucking wind. I thought I should perhaps go exploring instead. It was when I walked on the freshly wind-blown sand that I became intrigued. Sure this was no luxury vacation to Port Aransas but it was the exact get out of the norm spot that I saw how this was my new beginning. I was making never before seen indentions in the sand. No other feet had walked there. And yet even when I felt the most alone and overwhelmed, God whispered to me,”I’m Here.” It was one of the most precious moments I had experienced in such a long time.

Movie: Beaches

Another movie that I can’t watch without crying… Such a touching story on love and friendship. Two unlikely friends go through a life full of rocky relationships and career malfunctions to find that their friendship was their strength that stablized and brought them to the finish line. When Hillary, played by Barbara Hersey, discovers she is dying, CeCe, played by Bette Midler, whisks her away to the beach house to live her final days. I am so thankful to have those friends that whisk me away to the beach.

A Happy Place

4/10/11
Song: The First, My Last, My Everything by Barry White

I was reminded of when I first had music get me through a situation. It was freshman year of college and I was so very homesick. In those times you live on fond memories to get you through and you believe for the best each day. I thought of the many Ally McBeal episodes I watched and how she would always have a song in her head. She had a pep in her step even in the midst of her confusion and emotional turmoil. It was during this season that I developed a love for Al Green and Barry White. For those 2 years while living on campus I’ll never forget the long walks up the hill from the theatre building to my dorm room. All the while, I was rocking to Barry White The First, My Last, My Everything in my head.

Movie: Hook
This is one of my Dad’s favorite. He loves the part about finding your happy place. No matter our age, there’s a bit of dreaming and child-like qualities that we should never retire. We find our happy place by spending time with our family and friends, reading a great book or listening to music you just can’t help but dance. If all this fails I remember Michael Scott on The Office burning his foot on a George Foreman grill and well-instant smile.

Honorable Mention

My ears have been ever more attentive to music since I started this blog. For those that know me well, I think they would attest that I sing a lot of songs. Even in everyday conversation, one word will then turn into a lyric. It just happens. While I am past the point of an angry or bitter breakup song, I felt these songs still needed to be mentioned. Much like a sad science fair project gone arwy, these songs have so much potential

if only I would have thought of them last month.

Thus I give you-- Honorable Mention Breakup Songs --

Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar
Rolling in the Deep by Adele
Fearless by Colbie Calliat
I'm Not Gonna Cry by Mary J Blige
Survivor by Destiny's Child
Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

I Don't Want No Scrub

Song: I Don’t Want No Scrub by TLC

At some point in our lives, we, as women, have settled. Perhaps it was on a trivial item like a pair of shoes- something you can live with. Perhaps it was a necessary job- something you have to live with. Perhaps it was with a relationship- something that we shouldn't ever do. I’ve recently been on a dating site- something that I would have never done a few years ago. I thought that everyone on these sites were desperate predators out to prey on a pure, gentile, little trusting southern girl, like myself. I’m sure there are freaks on this site. But for the most part, it’s your everyday person who for some reason or another has not met a potential person to date. Like a 5 months late-on-rent unemployed individual, you cannot seek a relationship. Bad things can come from desperation when your interests are focused on finding the right person to fulfill you. I’ve realized that because of our innate desire to be loved and accepted, some can have a tendency to look for a date with the same approach of looking for a job. Here is the difference. I am not interested in impressing just any guy. Nor do I care if every person likes me. While it is encouraging to have reciprocation of attraction, I refuse to settle. Shortly after my breakup a couple months ago I made this list that I have posted at my desk. It’s a quick refresher of who I am and what I refuse to bend on.

Things I will not sway on no matter what:
1. My pursuit of God
2. My dreams
3. Time with friends and family
4. Working out
5. How I like my eggs

Movie: Runaway Bride

Let me further explain number 5. How I like my eggs. In Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts plays a woman who continually conforms to fit the mold of who she thinks her fiancé wants her to be. Only when pointed out by a reporter, who had been compiling the facts of why she has run away from the altar numerous time, does it become clear to her that he doesn’t even know how she like her eggs. I have asked myself this question quite a few times. There are so many varieties of how to make eggs and I can’t seem to make up my mind. But I have come to term that it’s more the symbolism versus the actual dish.

Drama

Song: Drama by Erasure

Life lesson for today: be happy where you’re at and with what you have. I’ve learned this lesson quite a few times before. There are days when I get to learn it again. When you focus your attention on what you are missing or without, depression can set in. I chose instead to be grateful for where God has placed me.

Movie: Becoming Jane
This is the true story of Jane Austin. She was a young lady full of whimsy and creativity. She was witty and sassy. She was refined with a heart full of passion. She meets a gentleman who challenges her with her craft of writing. He introduces her to new authors and materials she would have never experienced. She was unlike any lady he was ever interested. She brushed him off. This love-hate relationship blossomed into love-love. He made her better. And she him. Because of their social statuses and the lack of the families approval, they were unable to marry. She spent the rest of her life writing characters that experienced life and love with such passion and intensity. I have yet to watch this movie without crying.

Might I add too that the photo shown is quite possibly one of my favorite dance scenes. I often would go back to watch it when writing a scene from one of my plays. I tried to emulate it in a play but could never do it justice. I think it's a combination of the music, mood and film direction that make me love it so.

Sandpaper, Sweat & Tears

Here is my listing of songs I compiled while sanding today:
Enter Sandman by Metallica
Mister Sandman
I know there have to be more. Feel free to add to my list...

I wanted to refinish my coffee table and night stand with a darker stain. I thought this seemed simple enough. I anticipated having it sanded and painted within a few hours. A few hours later, I was no where to being finished and I realized that sanding takes a lot of work. A friend allowed me to borrow his sander. He even schooled me on how to load and lock the paper in place. Easy enough for him. Surely I could do it. This was my first project of this caliber and I was a little intimidated in taking this on solo. I, however, accepted the challenge head on. It didn't take long to realize I'm a novice when it comes to sanding. After about 20 times of repeating the vicious cycle of 1-2 runs and then the paper slipping, I called my friend for help. What am I doing wrong? He repeated yet reworded the previous training session. Oh now I got it. I just keep doing the same thing and hope I eventually get it right. My boss always says "No accidental results. How can you repeat success if you didn't plan for it?" I would get a couple good runs and feel like I really accomplished something for the paper to slide again. With loud music echoing in the garage and the vibrating of the powertool along the wood, I felt like a man- or how I thought a man would feel. Then the paper would slip yet again. And then I cried and realized I am no man. It's funny how these little projects turn into such life lessons. In desperation I sat on the floor and cried as I realized the correlation of what I was doing and what God was doing in me. These 2 pieces of furniture were just fine the way they were. I had lived with them for quite a while just the way they were. But I wanted change- something that I believed would be better suited for me. In order to arrive at this desired result I would have to spend time, effort and endurance to get to a place in which change could occur. I eventually ran out of sand paper and was again disappointed at what I felt had been a failure of a project. I went in the house and was reminded that I had several sheets of sandpaper in my craft closet. I went downstairs loaded the sander and the paper never fell off. I was staining both pieces within a matter of hours. Now only if the stain will dry.... I got a little paint happy.

Movies: Here are the 1st sand movies I thought of:
Sands of Iwa Jima
Sandlot
Out of Africa
English Patient

Gentlemen

My mother first introduced me to Turner Classic Movies in high school. I was already an avid movie watcher. This genre of black and white movies, however, was unlike any other. It was pure and simplistic and wonderful. Cary Grant quickly became my favorite. In every one of Cary Grant's films that I've seen he has such a stature and grace about him that exudes a man of confidence and manners. I think mainly because of the culture and time in which his films were made. It was a time in which men were raised to be gentlemen.

By definition a gentleman is a cultured man who behaves with courtesy and thoughtfulness. When most hear some described as being a gentleman it would imply they have manners. They know how to say please and thank you. They know how to open the door for a lady. I had the pleasure of teaching a manners class for students ranging from 1st grade to 12th grade for a couple years. In my curriculum I covered all these details. I covered when and how to send a thank you note. I discussed table settings and which fork to use (I couldn’t very well tell them to watch Pretty Woman) And I covered the essential item of being a gentleman- which I think it quite often overlooked. A gentleman cares for others. He is thoughtful and puts others before himself. By definition alone, it’s difficult for one to be a gentleman when he does not consider another person’s feelings. You don’t offer a lady a seat when there are no other vacant seats because you have to, but you do so because you care. Being a gentleman means being a man of your word and always following through with what you said you would do. Why? 1) Because it’s the right thing to do. & 2)Because that is truly what women are looking for. They want a gentleman who cares for others, puts her first and is willing to fight for truth. This is simply a thought I continue to ponder. When one says they are a gentleman just know this is to what I am I expecting them to emulate.

Unwritten

Song: Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

This is a song that frequent. I thought it may be helpful to just have the lyrics...

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Movie: Sleepless in Seattle

This is one of those movies that I watch everytime it's on. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are such an awesome pairing. He is healing from his wife passing away. She is in a convenient relationship that's complicated-- she's not head over heels crazy in love with him. She doesn't have that feeling that overcomes Cary Grant and Deborah Carr in An Affair to Remember.
[Rabbit trail: After finishing watching the season finale of the Bachelor tonight, my friends and I rehashed the crazy things that women say and do in the name of love-- or feelings. One of my favorite lines from tonight is, "I feel if we can charter these waters with great white sharks, our relationship can endure anything." Well- no it can't. I'm sorry to say.]

Meg Ryan's character loved the man she was with- his food allergies, sinus problems and all. Women, at times, bend in order to fit into men's lives. While I think compromise is necessary in every relationship- not to the extent that you lose your true identity. But she longed for more. This too is innate in women. We want more. We want steady and grounded yet passionate and spontaneous. We want witty and sarcastic yet gentle and kind. We pay for curly hair in the same transaction we purchase our hair straightener. She took a risk. She followed her heart and refused to settle for someone that was convenient or familiar. She took a chance and met her Cary Grant at the top of the Empire State Building.

Warrior Mode

Song: I Am The Warrior by Pat Benatar
Shooting at the walls of heartache-- Bang Bang-- I am the warrior. Victory is mine. No one writes lyrics to a song quite like they did in the 80s. I love the 80’s. I actually heard this song on the radio earlier and adopted it as my theme for the day. I didn’t realize it would be my anthem. I was reminded of this song again when I came across his blog this evening, the one I was not to read. I guess tonight was the night I was to locate it. I read his entries in disgust. This person that I was so smitten with for 3 months was an absolute cynic. I never realized just how deep his hurt from past experiences had gone, hence the pattern of wanting to be in a relationship and completely withdrawing. There was a reason he had asked me not to read this. While I thought it was because he was still working on how to write the perfect entry on how awesome I am- nope I was wrong. I have never once thought anything other than great things for this individual-- until tonight. I am so thankful that God knows our hearts. He truly knew what was best for both of us. While I was hurt and saddened by what I read, I refuse to allow this to cause me to be hardened or untrusting to others. That’s completely against my nature. And I have to be me.

Movie: Legends of the Fall

In college, I did an in depth 8 page analysis of this romantic period movie. Even after watching it 10 plus times, I never grow tired of it. Tristan, played by Brad Pitt, is described as a wild bear. He has a heart of a warrior. His goes off to war with his two brothers to defend and protect them. Tristan watches as his youngest brother, Samuel, is shot and killed in battle. He removes Samuel's heart to bring it back home to bury it on their land. He was trained to know how vital the heart was. It was his brother's life that Tristan cherished and his life that he wanted to remember. Tristan hardened his heart and cut off the people he loved due to not dealing with the grief. He instead ran away and became a hunter. What I've learned in these past few weeks is it's crucial to deal with hurt and friends and family are a vital part of your healing.

The Sequel aka 2's Day

I’ve opted to stop with the numbering of the days seeing as its getting obnoxious-- and very difficult to keep up with. It's like saying my child is 224 months. Besides, no longer am I counting the days in which something ended. Instead I’ve decided to title my days.

Song: Two of Hearts by Stacey Q
This is such a sappy song that has nothing to do with anything other than it has a 2 in it and fit the theme for the day.

Movie: Godfather 2

The original Godfather rocked the casbah. Just when you think it can't get any better comes Godfather 2. This little film won 11 Academy Awards including best picture. Point being is even when something seems so great and surely couldn't get any better, comes a second experience. The story continues. It may go in a different direction or pick up in a new time or city but the characters continue to live on. This is my sequel day.

Game Day

Song: Back in the Saddle Again & Get Your Head In The Game from High School Musical

I went to a basketball game today with a guy I met recently. This was our first venture out- which some may have called a date. We met at the ticket booth. He told me I would find him wearing a black suit and red tie. My immediate response was “seriously?!” by text. Any yes, he was seriously wearing a suit and tie to a basketball game. I followed up with the ever clever saving statement. “I’m sarcastic a lot so I thought when you said you were wearing a suit and tie that was the equivalent to you were wearing a sombrero. And you are clearly not wearing a sombrero.” My crazy antics went on as I continued to entertain myself with random thoughts, statements and laughter. This whippersnapper clearly did not get me nor my humor. I went in with zero expectations. I’m proud of myself that I got back out there. I’m saddened by the first prospect out the gate. Dear Lord make me a bird so I can fly far, far away.

Movie: Teen Wolf
This was the first basketball movie that came to mind. I have no recollection of it other than Michael J Fox exposed his true Teen Wolf identity at a basketball game.

Day 24

Song: You’re the Best by Joe Espisito (featured in the Karate Kid)
This song actually helped get me out of a funk today. I’m not certain if it is a lack of sleep or the weather, but I was a tad bit grumpy today- even after a nap.

Movie: The Karate Kid
Daniel son had to do a lot of daily tasks to prepare him to be a karate champion. Wax the car, paint the fence—while these all seemed like meaningless chores to him, they trained him to take down Johnny with the crane. Yes, I am a big fan of cheesy 80’s movies and songs. And yes, I am actually comparing this to my life. While I do not belong to a dojo nor have a sensei, I do get to do things daily that I know are preparing me for what’s to come. You may have situations in which someone is trying to “sweep the leg” and “put you in a body bag” but I know my mad skills partnered with God's timing will earn me that huge ugly karate trophy.

Day 19

Song; I’ll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy

Yep. We’re going back to my roots (not really). I’m kickin this one out to my homie Bailey Bud aka Bailey, Bud, Buddy, Pup, My Boyfriend, Boo Boosh, My Sweet Boy.

Movie: Marley & Me

Today I said goodbye to my longtime friend and companion, Bailey Mactavish Lynch. He was a part of our family for 11 years, 7 of those he lived with me. We got him from a Scottie rescue where the previous owners had abused him—perhaps involving stairs. (This dog had to be carried up and down the stairs which would have been ok had I not always lived on the 2nd floor….) The first weekend we brought him home I went down to kiss him on the nose- much like I had with my other pup we had for 14 years. He was having some trust issues and bit me on the nose. It was enough to pierce the skin and cause me to bleed and freak out. I called my mom and she immediately came home from work to take me to the hospital. He was put on house arrest and my dad was ready to give him the boot. I pleaded with my father and the one who was injured became the one most emotional about keeping him. Bailey had already been through such traumatic experiences in his little life, I didn’t want to add to that. We kept him and forewarned everyone that came near him to stay away from his face. This, of course, was when he had a little pep in his step. Anyone meeting him in the last few years of his life would say he was the sweetest little guy and wonder if he could do anyone harm. He loved people and was the best pup a girl could ask for. I kissed him on the nose when I said goodbye. And our story was complete.

Day 18

Day 18:
Song: Somebody by Depeche Mode

In my 18 day healing/soul searching I’ve realized there are A LOT of songs that could send you in a state of depression. So many people are dealing with heartache. I knew this but was completely oblivious of it simply because I chose to not date for 8 years. On one hand I feel like I am so out of the loop, like I’ve been missing out on something. On the other, I am so thankful that I didn’t put myself through this for 8 years. Instead I get to experience it in my more mature stature in my 30s. Honestly—I don’t think rejection feels good at any age. I think you just become wiser in the ways of how to handle it. In college, this song was one I would listen to frequently when I felt like crying. I listen to it now with a hopeful heart. I’ve had so many people continue to encourage me. If I thought this bloke was so fan-freakin-tastic, there is someone that God has designed specifically for me that’s even better. And I say, bring it on.

Movie: Devil Wears Prada
I love this movie and somewhat worked for a boss quite similar to this. We were asked to read his mind and make a spectacular event for 500 people on a $5 budget. My favorite theme in this movie however is freedom. Anne Hathaway’s character discovers at the end of the film that success is not all it’s cracked up to be if you must be under the constant scrutiny of people pleasing. She had an awesome character transformation and how could you not love Meryl Streep…

Day 15

Song: Goodbye to you by Patty Smyth

I felt it fitting today to have a so long farewell song in which I bid the wind chime adieu. At Christmas, he gave me a wind chime that he had purchased for me 8 years previously when we first met. He never got a chance to give it to me and had held on to it for all these years. I thought it was super sentimental and of course, I read into it much more than I should have. Initially I thought it would be good to hold on to the wind chime in the event that he snaps out of his stupor and realizes what an awesome person I am. And then I ask myself what I want. What I want is not to torture myself with thoughts of “what if”. So in order to move on I dispose of the past. And honestly, I really don’t care for wind chimes.

Movie: Braveheart

My all time favorite movie—ever. I am drawn to passion. William Wallace is such a man of passion. He is willing to risk everything for the love of his life and his country. He loses everything to bring a people together for justice and redemption. I am also in awe of how Mel Gibson was able to star and direct in this film-- so well done. Love it.

Day 12

Song: I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston & Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol

Dancing with Myself because this song can always get me dancing. You just can’t help but have it give you a pep to your step- at least for the avid 80’s music lover. And then there’s Whitney. This is my hopeful, romantic side that I can’t ever get away from. While I enjoy dancing by myself (there’s no one’s toes to step on), there are some dances that require a partner.

I was reminded again today of a message I heard a couple months ago on expectations. People and situations can let you down if you put your expectations in them. But when you live your life with expectancy then you have hope of something good happening rather than putting pressure on the person, place or thing to deliver. I’m living my life full of expectancy rather than with expectation.

Movie: City of Angels

This is a story of an angel who longs to be human. He fantasizes about feeling the wind in his face, expressing emotion and being in love. I realize this is quite a stretch for an angel to decide to become human but- it is a movie. I remember seeing it in the movie theatre with my best friend Eric. He drove me home and I was a wreck. I cried for at least an hour later. This was shortly after my 1 month old cousin had gone to heaven. This, of course, attributed to my radical response of emotion from this movie. We had so many questions. While it was so difficult to see this precious little man go to heaven, it was special to have him in this world for the brief time he was here. He touched so many lives. I saw a parallel with this movie. Nicolas Cage’s character longed to feel love and when he finally does, he loses it. While he hurt, he was grateful he was able to experience it. On this Valentine’s Day, I think of my little cousin Jared and how grateful I am to have experienced love in my life.