Day 9

Song: I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett

I needed an angry song today. I don’t really hate myself nor was there any infidelity. I’ve had a really strong week 1. Week 2 and the emotion has come on like a freight train. I’m not angry- just melancholy. It’s all the memories of things that continue to come up- the funny sayings, the stories, the expressions... I continue to remind myself that I’m not settling for just another person. I’m believing for the real deal. It’s not just a boyfriend or someone to fill my time. I want a best friend- someone I chose to do life with. I realize that best friends take time to find. And I know it’s worth the wait.

I’ve been asked what I’ll do with my blog once I get over this. At some point, there will be nothing left to say, right? My point of this is not to rehash hurt feelings or bash men. It’s about the healing process. I had a customer come in this week to tell me her husband died suddenly 3 weeks earlier. They took him in to the hospital for stomach cramps and 2 days later, he was dead. She said she was trying to go back to normal and was learning to discover just what normal meant to her again. She told me the biggest thing she learned was to never take for granted the love you have in your life. My heart grieved for her and her loss. I felt selfish too to think I have been writing about how to heal from heartbreak when people are going through really traumatic issues. But all of us experience disappointment, loss or grief. The question is not if we face it but how do we face it. Do we become hard-hearted and unlovable, shutting out the very things that can help us? Or do we continue to surround ourselves with the love and support of friends and family? I realized just how loved I am and how thankful I am for my support system. If I didn’t have my peeps, I would have moved to Saskatchewan to live as a carnie after donating all my eggs.

Movie: Nell

My BFF and I quote 1 line from this movie continually. “Speak for me.” Only when Jodie Foster as Nell says this it is in some jacked up voice. A man then begins to interpret everything she says which is near impossible. Her mother had a stroke when she was younger and learned to communicate in a slightly-off version of English. Combine this with living in a secluded cabin in the woods and you have the character Nell. It makes me laugh every time. I highly recommend watching only this scene and nothing else from the movie. Horrible movie. Hilarious court room scene.