Day 24

Song: You’re the Best by Joe Espisito (featured in the Karate Kid)
This song actually helped get me out of a funk today. I’m not certain if it is a lack of sleep or the weather, but I was a tad bit grumpy today- even after a nap.

Movie: The Karate Kid
Daniel son had to do a lot of daily tasks to prepare him to be a karate champion. Wax the car, paint the fence—while these all seemed like meaningless chores to him, they trained him to take down Johnny with the crane. Yes, I am a big fan of cheesy 80’s movies and songs. And yes, I am actually comparing this to my life. While I do not belong to a dojo nor have a sensei, I do get to do things daily that I know are preparing me for what’s to come. You may have situations in which someone is trying to “sweep the leg” and “put you in a body bag” but I know my mad skills partnered with God's timing will earn me that huge ugly karate trophy.

Day 19

Song; I’ll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy

Yep. We’re going back to my roots (not really). I’m kickin this one out to my homie Bailey Bud aka Bailey, Bud, Buddy, Pup, My Boyfriend, Boo Boosh, My Sweet Boy.

Movie: Marley & Me

Today I said goodbye to my longtime friend and companion, Bailey Mactavish Lynch. He was a part of our family for 11 years, 7 of those he lived with me. We got him from a Scottie rescue where the previous owners had abused him—perhaps involving stairs. (This dog had to be carried up and down the stairs which would have been ok had I not always lived on the 2nd floor….) The first weekend we brought him home I went down to kiss him on the nose- much like I had with my other pup we had for 14 years. He was having some trust issues and bit me on the nose. It was enough to pierce the skin and cause me to bleed and freak out. I called my mom and she immediately came home from work to take me to the hospital. He was put on house arrest and my dad was ready to give him the boot. I pleaded with my father and the one who was injured became the one most emotional about keeping him. Bailey had already been through such traumatic experiences in his little life, I didn’t want to add to that. We kept him and forewarned everyone that came near him to stay away from his face. This, of course, was when he had a little pep in his step. Anyone meeting him in the last few years of his life would say he was the sweetest little guy and wonder if he could do anyone harm. He loved people and was the best pup a girl could ask for. I kissed him on the nose when I said goodbye. And our story was complete.

Day 18

Day 18:
Song: Somebody by Depeche Mode

In my 18 day healing/soul searching I’ve realized there are A LOT of songs that could send you in a state of depression. So many people are dealing with heartache. I knew this but was completely oblivious of it simply because I chose to not date for 8 years. On one hand I feel like I am so out of the loop, like I’ve been missing out on something. On the other, I am so thankful that I didn’t put myself through this for 8 years. Instead I get to experience it in my more mature stature in my 30s. Honestly—I don’t think rejection feels good at any age. I think you just become wiser in the ways of how to handle it. In college, this song was one I would listen to frequently when I felt like crying. I listen to it now with a hopeful heart. I’ve had so many people continue to encourage me. If I thought this bloke was so fan-freakin-tastic, there is someone that God has designed specifically for me that’s even better. And I say, bring it on.

Movie: Devil Wears Prada
I love this movie and somewhat worked for a boss quite similar to this. We were asked to read his mind and make a spectacular event for 500 people on a $5 budget. My favorite theme in this movie however is freedom. Anne Hathaway’s character discovers at the end of the film that success is not all it’s cracked up to be if you must be under the constant scrutiny of people pleasing. She had an awesome character transformation and how could you not love Meryl Streep…

Day 15

Song: Goodbye to you by Patty Smyth

I felt it fitting today to have a so long farewell song in which I bid the wind chime adieu. At Christmas, he gave me a wind chime that he had purchased for me 8 years previously when we first met. He never got a chance to give it to me and had held on to it for all these years. I thought it was super sentimental and of course, I read into it much more than I should have. Initially I thought it would be good to hold on to the wind chime in the event that he snaps out of his stupor and realizes what an awesome person I am. And then I ask myself what I want. What I want is not to torture myself with thoughts of “what if”. So in order to move on I dispose of the past. And honestly, I really don’t care for wind chimes.

Movie: Braveheart

My all time favorite movie—ever. I am drawn to passion. William Wallace is such a man of passion. He is willing to risk everything for the love of his life and his country. He loses everything to bring a people together for justice and redemption. I am also in awe of how Mel Gibson was able to star and direct in this film-- so well done. Love it.

Day 12

Song: I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston & Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol

Dancing with Myself because this song can always get me dancing. You just can’t help but have it give you a pep to your step- at least for the avid 80’s music lover. And then there’s Whitney. This is my hopeful, romantic side that I can’t ever get away from. While I enjoy dancing by myself (there’s no one’s toes to step on), there are some dances that require a partner.

I was reminded again today of a message I heard a couple months ago on expectations. People and situations can let you down if you put your expectations in them. But when you live your life with expectancy then you have hope of something good happening rather than putting pressure on the person, place or thing to deliver. I’m living my life full of expectancy rather than with expectation.

Movie: City of Angels

This is a story of an angel who longs to be human. He fantasizes about feeling the wind in his face, expressing emotion and being in love. I realize this is quite a stretch for an angel to decide to become human but- it is a movie. I remember seeing it in the movie theatre with my best friend Eric. He drove me home and I was a wreck. I cried for at least an hour later. This was shortly after my 1 month old cousin had gone to heaven. This, of course, attributed to my radical response of emotion from this movie. We had so many questions. While it was so difficult to see this precious little man go to heaven, it was special to have him in this world for the brief time he was here. He touched so many lives. I saw a parallel with this movie. Nicolas Cage’s character longed to feel love and when he finally does, he loses it. While he hurt, he was grateful he was able to experience it. On this Valentine’s Day, I think of my little cousin Jared and how grateful I am to have experienced love in my life.

Day 9

Song: I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett

I needed an angry song today. I don’t really hate myself nor was there any infidelity. I’ve had a really strong week 1. Week 2 and the emotion has come on like a freight train. I’m not angry- just melancholy. It’s all the memories of things that continue to come up- the funny sayings, the stories, the expressions... I continue to remind myself that I’m not settling for just another person. I’m believing for the real deal. It’s not just a boyfriend or someone to fill my time. I want a best friend- someone I chose to do life with. I realize that best friends take time to find. And I know it’s worth the wait.

I’ve been asked what I’ll do with my blog once I get over this. At some point, there will be nothing left to say, right? My point of this is not to rehash hurt feelings or bash men. It’s about the healing process. I had a customer come in this week to tell me her husband died suddenly 3 weeks earlier. They took him in to the hospital for stomach cramps and 2 days later, he was dead. She said she was trying to go back to normal and was learning to discover just what normal meant to her again. She told me the biggest thing she learned was to never take for granted the love you have in your life. My heart grieved for her and her loss. I felt selfish too to think I have been writing about how to heal from heartbreak when people are going through really traumatic issues. But all of us experience disappointment, loss or grief. The question is not if we face it but how do we face it. Do we become hard-hearted and unlovable, shutting out the very things that can help us? Or do we continue to surround ourselves with the love and support of friends and family? I realized just how loved I am and how thankful I am for my support system. If I didn’t have my peeps, I would have moved to Saskatchewan to live as a carnie after donating all my eggs.

Movie: Nell

My BFF and I quote 1 line from this movie continually. “Speak for me.” Only when Jodie Foster as Nell says this it is in some jacked up voice. A man then begins to interpret everything she says which is near impossible. Her mother had a stroke when she was younger and learned to communicate in a slightly-off version of English. Combine this with living in a secluded cabin in the woods and you have the character Nell. It makes me laugh every time. I highly recommend watching only this scene and nothing else from the movie. Horrible movie. Hilarious court room scene.

Day 7

Song: Free Fallin by Tom Petty, followed by John Mayer

Icy conditions today led to slippery steps on our back deck. This then led to my fall directly on my bum. First song that came into my head today and it's a good one.
One week later and I feel like I have learned so much about myself. It's situations such as these that have the ability to crush or catipult you. I chose to have this be a character building lesson and hope it encourages you to do the same in whatever situation you may find yourself. While it may seem to be a silly project to some, it brings me joy each day to remind myself of what I am passionate about- music, movies, writing and relationships.

Movie: Jerry Maguire

While Dorothy Boyd wanted love and to be swept off her feet. She wanted and deserved for someone to be crazy about her. It's never a good feeling to be involved in a relationship out of convenience. He didn't know how to love her nor know he needed someone like her in his life. Loved, loved Tom in this movie.
Side Note: Free Fallin was in Jerry Maguire.

What's your theme song?

Day 6

Songs: Bang Bang by Cher & Somebody to Love by Justin Bieber
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOI4OF7iIr4
The Bieb makes me laugh. I also wanted something that would put a little pep in my step. I put it on my mp3 player and laughed periodically throughout my workout. If anyone was watching me yesterday while on the eliptical-- you're welcome. Between Justin Bieber and Billy Idol, Dancing With Myself, it became Day 2 without tears. Si Se Puede!

Movie: Raising Arizona
I selected this movie simply for the fact that I saw a man with a stocking cap on. Every time I see people with these on I think of the best line from this movie “Boy you got a panty on your head.”

Day 4

Song: Save Up Your Tears by Cher
Cher has been my girl this week. I try to listen to each theme song several times throughout the day to encourage, inspire or make me laugh. I was belting this one on the way to church. On the way back from church I tried again and lost it. I realized that morning that I had left a bracelet in his car- the one I wanted to wear that day- the one I probably won’t see again. The very bracelet that I first sported at the Austin Film Festival in 2001 when I met and pseudo-stalked Jonathan Silverman.

(In my defense, I was part of the event planning and needed to make sure all our guests were having a good time.)

Movie: Something’s Gotta Give
I started putting together all the items for my blog today so I thought it appropriate that I compare myself to Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give. I love the scene when she is so heartbroken and locks herself in her room to write. She writes and sobs and writes and sobs. It’s so sincere and sad. It makes no sense yet feels so good to do these things.
Oh hormones.

Day 3

Song: Believe by Cher
My mom picked this song for me today and I have to admit it was the keeper. I prayed today that I would have the strength to get through this and I know I will. I prayed for him and his family. This is unlike any other relationship I’ve had in that I don’t wish him harm- well that doesn’t sound quite right… I truly care for him. In fact I miss his friendship. While we said we would remain friends, I know there will need to be a season before that transpires. I also prayed for my husband. I trust God for His absolute best for my life. God has never let me down. I know that I truly did make an impact in his life but I was not the one.

Movie: Hot Rod
One of my new favorite movies that he introduced me to. Normally in a breakup the “new things” that you experienced together are a bit of a sore subject and could cause some despair. In no way, shape or form does this movie have this affect. If anything I laugh harder the more I see it. This wannabe stuntman who feels is following his deceased father’s footsteps discovers he is not as great a stuntman as expected. But with a little encouragement from his friends and family, he finds an inner strength and talent to scale 15 buses. All that and a remake of Kevin Bacon's Footloose warehouse punch dance. Love it!

Day 2

Song: Strong Enough by Cher

Movie: Bridget Jones’ Diary
It’s pretty crazy just how well I’m handling this. This thought of course was still in a sick state. We had a snow day and I called in sick to work. By noon the snow was melting and I was out of Jack Daniels. My dad used to make us hot toddys when we were sick. Now when I have a cough or congestion, I crave hot toddys. It also has the ability to put you to sleep quite quickly. My roommate and I went out to get lunch and to go to the liquor store. The plan was to get Jack. 2 margaritas, 2 jack & cokes and my infamous Ricky Martin Cup of Life drill team dance later, I was feeling no pain-- until I got a message. I had sent a cordial facebook message to him earlier that morning. It was something I wrote during my sleepless night. I had edited and read it to one person prior to sending it so I was emotion-free. It was my closure lettering letting him know I understood why we were parting ways and while it sucked I enjoyed our time together and wished him the best. His response was also cordial. He stated that he needed to find someone who could capture him as much as his job. He is a cop and feels his is married to his career. I cried as if he told me that he never cared about me. He did, in fact, care about me. He just didn't have a desire to be anyone's boyfriend. Why Bridget Jones’ Diary? 1)tears 2)writing in a journal 3)drinking 4)lots of loud singing and 5)a tacky dated sweatshirt.

Day 1

Song: Jesus Take the Wheel

I am not a Carrie Underwood fan but after 3 hours sleep, sporting a fever and saddle bags under my eyes, this was the first phrase I uttered when looking in the mirror. I spent the sleepless evening laying in bed wondering what I could have done differently. Everything seemed to be going so well. While I had some reservations, I felt that with time I would learn more about him before being so quick to put up my absolutely not flag. It seemed he gave up several weeks before.

Movie: 500 Days of Summer

I loved this movie because of the honesty of the characters. Here’s this guy who adores this girl. He woos her over after some time and has the best time of his life- even to the extent that on his way to work, he breaks out in choreographed dance with those in the park. While I did not go this extreme, I was walking in a fog most days simply because of my elated state. It’s like I had a permanent smile tattooed to my face. And then I had emergency laser surgery to remove it because I realized it was in Olde English lettering…

A Little Background...

My name is Ashley and I am a romantic. This bit of information should help as you read through my entries.  After 8 years in a dateless bubble, I reconnected with a friend I had dated years previously. Immediately we hit it off and began seeing each other regularly. I realize that this dating scene should have been like riding a bicycle- only my bicycle was ill-equipped. While riding down my dating hill, I find I have no brakes, my shoe lace is entangled in the spokes and my face is now grating across the rocky gravel. It only took 3 months in this one relationship to learn- I have a lot to learn about myself. I am so thankful for my relationship with God and for the sense of humor He has given me. I learned early on how to laugh at myself. Day 1 of after the breakup gave me the idea of how to get my healing-- everyday theme music and a movie that defines my day. Here’s the story morning glory.