I Don't Want No Scrub

Song: I Don’t Want No Scrub by TLC

At some point in our lives, we, as women, have settled. Perhaps it was on a trivial item like a pair of shoes- something you can live with. Perhaps it was a necessary job- something you have to live with. Perhaps it was with a relationship- something that we shouldn't ever do. I’ve recently been on a dating site- something that I would have never done a few years ago. I thought that everyone on these sites were desperate predators out to prey on a pure, gentile, little trusting southern girl, like myself. I’m sure there are freaks on this site. But for the most part, it’s your everyday person who for some reason or another has not met a potential person to date. Like a 5 months late-on-rent unemployed individual, you cannot seek a relationship. Bad things can come from desperation when your interests are focused on finding the right person to fulfill you. I’ve realized that because of our innate desire to be loved and accepted, some can have a tendency to look for a date with the same approach of looking for a job. Here is the difference. I am not interested in impressing just any guy. Nor do I care if every person likes me. While it is encouraging to have reciprocation of attraction, I refuse to settle. Shortly after my breakup a couple months ago I made this list that I have posted at my desk. It’s a quick refresher of who I am and what I refuse to bend on.

Things I will not sway on no matter what:
1. My pursuit of God
2. My dreams
3. Time with friends and family
4. Working out
5. How I like my eggs

Movie: Runaway Bride

Let me further explain number 5. How I like my eggs. In Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts plays a woman who continually conforms to fit the mold of who she thinks her fiancé wants her to be. Only when pointed out by a reporter, who had been compiling the facts of why she has run away from the altar numerous time, does it become clear to her that he doesn’t even know how she like her eggs. I have asked myself this question quite a few times. There are so many varieties of how to make eggs and I can’t seem to make up my mind. But I have come to term that it’s more the symbolism versus the actual dish.

Drama

Song: Drama by Erasure

Life lesson for today: be happy where you’re at and with what you have. I’ve learned this lesson quite a few times before. There are days when I get to learn it again. When you focus your attention on what you are missing or without, depression can set in. I chose instead to be grateful for where God has placed me.

Movie: Becoming Jane
This is the true story of Jane Austin. She was a young lady full of whimsy and creativity. She was witty and sassy. She was refined with a heart full of passion. She meets a gentleman who challenges her with her craft of writing. He introduces her to new authors and materials she would have never experienced. She was unlike any lady he was ever interested. She brushed him off. This love-hate relationship blossomed into love-love. He made her better. And she him. Because of their social statuses and the lack of the families approval, they were unable to marry. She spent the rest of her life writing characters that experienced life and love with such passion and intensity. I have yet to watch this movie without crying.

Might I add too that the photo shown is quite possibly one of my favorite dance scenes. I often would go back to watch it when writing a scene from one of my plays. I tried to emulate it in a play but could never do it justice. I think it's a combination of the music, mood and film direction that make me love it so.

Sandpaper, Sweat & Tears

Here is my listing of songs I compiled while sanding today:
Enter Sandman by Metallica
Mister Sandman
I know there have to be more. Feel free to add to my list...

I wanted to refinish my coffee table and night stand with a darker stain. I thought this seemed simple enough. I anticipated having it sanded and painted within a few hours. A few hours later, I was no where to being finished and I realized that sanding takes a lot of work. A friend allowed me to borrow his sander. He even schooled me on how to load and lock the paper in place. Easy enough for him. Surely I could do it. This was my first project of this caliber and I was a little intimidated in taking this on solo. I, however, accepted the challenge head on. It didn't take long to realize I'm a novice when it comes to sanding. After about 20 times of repeating the vicious cycle of 1-2 runs and then the paper slipping, I called my friend for help. What am I doing wrong? He repeated yet reworded the previous training session. Oh now I got it. I just keep doing the same thing and hope I eventually get it right. My boss always says "No accidental results. How can you repeat success if you didn't plan for it?" I would get a couple good runs and feel like I really accomplished something for the paper to slide again. With loud music echoing in the garage and the vibrating of the powertool along the wood, I felt like a man- or how I thought a man would feel. Then the paper would slip yet again. And then I cried and realized I am no man. It's funny how these little projects turn into such life lessons. In desperation I sat on the floor and cried as I realized the correlation of what I was doing and what God was doing in me. These 2 pieces of furniture were just fine the way they were. I had lived with them for quite a while just the way they were. But I wanted change- something that I believed would be better suited for me. In order to arrive at this desired result I would have to spend time, effort and endurance to get to a place in which change could occur. I eventually ran out of sand paper and was again disappointed at what I felt had been a failure of a project. I went in the house and was reminded that I had several sheets of sandpaper in my craft closet. I went downstairs loaded the sander and the paper never fell off. I was staining both pieces within a matter of hours. Now only if the stain will dry.... I got a little paint happy.

Movies: Here are the 1st sand movies I thought of:
Sands of Iwa Jima
Sandlot
Out of Africa
English Patient

Gentlemen

My mother first introduced me to Turner Classic Movies in high school. I was already an avid movie watcher. This genre of black and white movies, however, was unlike any other. It was pure and simplistic and wonderful. Cary Grant quickly became my favorite. In every one of Cary Grant's films that I've seen he has such a stature and grace about him that exudes a man of confidence and manners. I think mainly because of the culture and time in which his films were made. It was a time in which men were raised to be gentlemen.

By definition a gentleman is a cultured man who behaves with courtesy and thoughtfulness. When most hear some described as being a gentleman it would imply they have manners. They know how to say please and thank you. They know how to open the door for a lady. I had the pleasure of teaching a manners class for students ranging from 1st grade to 12th grade for a couple years. In my curriculum I covered all these details. I covered when and how to send a thank you note. I discussed table settings and which fork to use (I couldn’t very well tell them to watch Pretty Woman) And I covered the essential item of being a gentleman- which I think it quite often overlooked. A gentleman cares for others. He is thoughtful and puts others before himself. By definition alone, it’s difficult for one to be a gentleman when he does not consider another person’s feelings. You don’t offer a lady a seat when there are no other vacant seats because you have to, but you do so because you care. Being a gentleman means being a man of your word and always following through with what you said you would do. Why? 1) Because it’s the right thing to do. & 2)Because that is truly what women are looking for. They want a gentleman who cares for others, puts her first and is willing to fight for truth. This is simply a thought I continue to ponder. When one says they are a gentleman just know this is to what I am I expecting them to emulate.

Unwritten

Song: Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

This is a song that frequent. I thought it may be helpful to just have the lyrics...

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Movie: Sleepless in Seattle

This is one of those movies that I watch everytime it's on. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are such an awesome pairing. He is healing from his wife passing away. She is in a convenient relationship that's complicated-- she's not head over heels crazy in love with him. She doesn't have that feeling that overcomes Cary Grant and Deborah Carr in An Affair to Remember.
[Rabbit trail: After finishing watching the season finale of the Bachelor tonight, my friends and I rehashed the crazy things that women say and do in the name of love-- or feelings. One of my favorite lines from tonight is, "I feel if we can charter these waters with great white sharks, our relationship can endure anything." Well- no it can't. I'm sorry to say.]

Meg Ryan's character loved the man she was with- his food allergies, sinus problems and all. Women, at times, bend in order to fit into men's lives. While I think compromise is necessary in every relationship- not to the extent that you lose your true identity. But she longed for more. This too is innate in women. We want more. We want steady and grounded yet passionate and spontaneous. We want witty and sarcastic yet gentle and kind. We pay for curly hair in the same transaction we purchase our hair straightener. She took a risk. She followed her heart and refused to settle for someone that was convenient or familiar. She took a chance and met her Cary Grant at the top of the Empire State Building.

Warrior Mode

Song: I Am The Warrior by Pat Benatar
Shooting at the walls of heartache-- Bang Bang-- I am the warrior. Victory is mine. No one writes lyrics to a song quite like they did in the 80s. I love the 80’s. I actually heard this song on the radio earlier and adopted it as my theme for the day. I didn’t realize it would be my anthem. I was reminded of this song again when I came across his blog this evening, the one I was not to read. I guess tonight was the night I was to locate it. I read his entries in disgust. This person that I was so smitten with for 3 months was an absolute cynic. I never realized just how deep his hurt from past experiences had gone, hence the pattern of wanting to be in a relationship and completely withdrawing. There was a reason he had asked me not to read this. While I thought it was because he was still working on how to write the perfect entry on how awesome I am- nope I was wrong. I have never once thought anything other than great things for this individual-- until tonight. I am so thankful that God knows our hearts. He truly knew what was best for both of us. While I was hurt and saddened by what I read, I refuse to allow this to cause me to be hardened or untrusting to others. That’s completely against my nature. And I have to be me.

Movie: Legends of the Fall

In college, I did an in depth 8 page analysis of this romantic period movie. Even after watching it 10 plus times, I never grow tired of it. Tristan, played by Brad Pitt, is described as a wild bear. He has a heart of a warrior. His goes off to war with his two brothers to defend and protect them. Tristan watches as his youngest brother, Samuel, is shot and killed in battle. He removes Samuel's heart to bring it back home to bury it on their land. He was trained to know how vital the heart was. It was his brother's life that Tristan cherished and his life that he wanted to remember. Tristan hardened his heart and cut off the people he loved due to not dealing with the grief. He instead ran away and became a hunter. What I've learned in these past few weeks is it's crucial to deal with hurt and friends and family are a vital part of your healing.

The Sequel aka 2's Day

I’ve opted to stop with the numbering of the days seeing as its getting obnoxious-- and very difficult to keep up with. It's like saying my child is 224 months. Besides, no longer am I counting the days in which something ended. Instead I’ve decided to title my days.

Song: Two of Hearts by Stacey Q
This is such a sappy song that has nothing to do with anything other than it has a 2 in it and fit the theme for the day.

Movie: Godfather 2

The original Godfather rocked the casbah. Just when you think it can't get any better comes Godfather 2. This little film won 11 Academy Awards including best picture. Point being is even when something seems so great and surely couldn't get any better, comes a second experience. The story continues. It may go in a different direction or pick up in a new time or city but the characters continue to live on. This is my sequel day.

Game Day

Song: Back in the Saddle Again & Get Your Head In The Game from High School Musical

I went to a basketball game today with a guy I met recently. This was our first venture out- which some may have called a date. We met at the ticket booth. He told me I would find him wearing a black suit and red tie. My immediate response was “seriously?!” by text. Any yes, he was seriously wearing a suit and tie to a basketball game. I followed up with the ever clever saving statement. “I’m sarcastic a lot so I thought when you said you were wearing a suit and tie that was the equivalent to you were wearing a sombrero. And you are clearly not wearing a sombrero.” My crazy antics went on as I continued to entertain myself with random thoughts, statements and laughter. This whippersnapper clearly did not get me nor my humor. I went in with zero expectations. I’m proud of myself that I got back out there. I’m saddened by the first prospect out the gate. Dear Lord make me a bird so I can fly far, far away.

Movie: Teen Wolf
This was the first basketball movie that came to mind. I have no recollection of it other than Michael J Fox exposed his true Teen Wolf identity at a basketball game.