Hollywood

Congratulations Hollywood. You did it again. You pulled the wool over my ideas with your movie magic. I thought my love story would emulate a movie script. It would last approximately 90 pages with a few plot twists and turns. But in the end I would have my happily ever after. My life thus far has not followed along with the script I have written for it. Nope. It's had a few detours along the way that I did not account for. While I could focus on the things that have not happened as of yet, I chose to look at what I have been blessed with. God continues to surprise me with His overwhelming love for me. And that in and of itself is enough.

Perhaps it's the commercial holiday of Valentine's Day that has me reflecting on such things. I've always thought this was a stupid day. The cheesy teddy bears, balloon filled gifts, crazy expensive flowers, heart shaped chocolates. My favorite memories of Valentine's Day were in elementary school. There was nothing better than making a shoebox card holder. It was the craft opportunities that excited me. I didn't care about the little cards. I loved the candy. It was when hormones kicked in that this day began to suck. I am so far from cynical. I had boyfriends in junior high and high school that would "wow" me with the $1.00 carnation to benefit the student council. I had a 4 foot teddy bear sitting in my chair in 6th grade reading class. (I have to admit that one was pretty cool...) But in all I find the day to be- well- thoughtless and an obligation rather than a heart felt sentiment. But then again, I guess that depends on the giver. I love sappy. I love over the top. I just want it to be from the heart and not because a day dicated that you must do something for me so I can brag to my friends and family. Please keep in mind that I say all this because I have never had someone dote on me in my adult years. I'm sure if I had a singing telegram delivered to me from a hairy cupid man in a diaper I would be elated. Scared. Shocked. And elated.

Perspective

Song: Firework by Katy Perry

I think I may actually be an adult now. Either that or I have finally put into practice some of the character-building life lessons I’ve had. In the new year, it’s such a time of reflection and hope for something new and better. We reflect on what didn’t go right in the previous year and what needs improvement. No one is exempt from having some things that need tweaking… especially little ole me. I was thinking about some things that I should have done differently and I immediately started the self-loathing and self bashing session. It was during the 2nd sentence into the monologue that I remembered just who I was. Christ saw it fit to forgive my sins, why shouldn’t I be able to extend the same grace and mercy to myself that He gave me? I am my best and worst critic. I can pick myself up or crush myself into a bailer of nothing special. However, I chose to see myself for the individual God created me to be. I know who I am. I know my worth. I know my value. And no matter what I may do, this never changes. I recently had a discussion with someone about my greatest fear. Mine was failure. I was scared to think that I did something contrary to what my intended purpose is to fulfill. The rebuttal given was yet another revelation similar to my previous statement. He whispered in my ear as if it was a precious gift for me to conceal and keep with me always. He stated “You can never fail if you don’t give up.” God will always lead you to your purpose if you truly listen. Perhaps that wasn’t verbatim- but it was the jewel I needed to walk away with. Love never fails. And perfect love casts out fear. So fear of failing shouldn’t even be within me. So I start this new year with a fresh perspective knowing that with God all things are possible.

Movie: Crazy Stupid Love

It’s no surprise that I love me some Steve Carell. I also love love. So a love story with Steve Carell- of course I’ll be on board. This is a story of a man who discovers his wife of 25 years wants a divorce. She had become bored in the marriage and was unfaithful to her husband. Through self discovery instigated by a random stranger in a bar (played by Gosling), Cal (played by Carell) learns to forgive his wife and fight for what’s most important—his soul mate and his love. Gosling’s character also changes by discovering how shallow and surface level his playboy, materialistic life is when meeting a quirky yet vulnerable girl. She challenges him. She makes fun of him. She helps him to remove the façade by being herself. There’s nothing like being in a relationship that you can be your complete self.

Hold On

Song: Hold On by Flame
In light of the tragic news of Kim Khardashian getting a divorce, I can't help but think- seriously? What in the world was the point of all the planning and money when really there was no investment in the relationship. The first indicator should be the prenuptial. To me this seems like an out. Either you're in for life, which means everything you own is mine or you think there is some potential that this will not work and this is your back up plan to cover yourself. I honestly don't care about her, her family or the story. But what does sadden me is how flippant some are with relationships and the lack of tenacity and stick-to-itiveness. Aren't some things worth fighting for? And why do we give up so easily? Is it because we really don't want it? Or because it takes work to obtain or keep what is best for us? I started to reflect this in every aspect of my life. Am I really fighting for what I want or am I giving in by settling for what I know? It's easy to fall into that rut. As for today, I say no more.

Movie: Rudy
I love a great underdog movie. I also love Sean Astin. Put the two together and of course this will be on my all time fave list. A college-aged boy has dreams of playing on the Notre Dame football team. Against all odds- his family's disbelief, his low grades and short stature- he proves that with hard work, determination and building friendships along the way- all things are possible.

Hot Glue

Song: Stuck on You by Lionel Ritchie
Some men have duct tape. I have hot glue.

When we first moved into the house- a year ago this month- we had several pieces of crown molding that needed to be secured in place. After 2 attempts by the maintenance man and some nail glue, the 2 pieces of crown molding lay nestled against the wall behind the sheer curtains. If you didn't know it was there well you didn't know it was there. But I did. It bothered me for some months. Months turned into 1 year as I thought I didn't have nail glue to apply and cause this faux wood to stay in place. Until 1 morning I woke up with a thought- nail glue is kind of the consistency of hot glue- it's worth a try. A few days later and those suckers are still in place. Will it last for seasons to come? It's questionable. I've had to repair my repairs with a second coat of hot glue before. I have things hot glued to the walls. Our sectional sofa upstairs is reupholstered with hot glue and staples-- thanks to my crafty friend Tara. What's interesting is this thought came right before church on Sunday when the pastor spoke on using tools aside from their actual function. (i.e. using a shoe for a hammer) There's something to be said about being resourceful.

Duncan the Wonder Dog

Song: Don't Rain On My Parade by Barbra Streisand

My world has recently changed. After several nos from the pet rescuers, I did what any girl desperate for a dog would do- I went to craigslist. This is where I found Duncan. A month prior I picked up a collection of short stories at the library about pet owners who had lost their beloved pets. I knew I would cry. I knew I would want my dog even more. And it was all true. The real concern happened when I found myself tearing up while helping a customer in a tacky embroidery dog t-shirt. Usually it would have been because they were too old to wear such a shirt but for that day it was because I was deemed an unfit parent by the pet rescuers. I would drive home and see people walking their dogs and wonder- did they have to go through rigorous questioning and home visits to get their dog? I don't think that means you love your pet more, it just means you're a serious pet owner. Duncan has been with me a week. He's a 4 month old black Scottish Terrier with brindle tipped ears. He has eyes that make you melt and make me talk in a very high pitched tone. I find myself rushing to want to get home- even taking my seat belt off before rounding the last corner to pull into the driveway.

I absolutely love him. And while he's a puppy and has already chewed through a cord and demolished a heel to one of my shoes, I know that all the training and bumps along the road will be well worth it. To some this may seem ridiculous. But for little ol me, he's the one consistent that needs me to love him. He doesn't judge me. He won't understand me all the time. But he'll never give up on me. He'll be there to console me and to love me along the way. I am so grateful for him.
Movie: My Dog Skip

The Encounter

Song: Strong Enough by Matthew West

I went to my first audition in over a year. In the past year, I have avoided auditioning. I think because I'm not a fan of rejection. But low and behold, auditioning, much like dating, is not all about whether or not you rock or suck. It could be that I'm not the right fit for the role. I've been cast because of my height and hair color before. That doesn't mean that the others had awful hair. It's just that I represented the role of the character more than the others. And so I approached this audition with my newfound life discovery- if I get it, great. If I don't, then I continue putting myself out there for other opportunities. I'll eventually find the right role for me. If necessary, I get to improve on my technique or attitude. They aren't rejecting me. I'm still an amazing girl with dreams and goals.

Movie: Only You

The story begins with a young girl and her friends playing with a quiji board. The name- Damon Bradley, is spelled out as predicted of her future husband. As a adult, a man of the same name calls for her fiance at her home. She finds out that he will be out of town in Italy. Her adventure begins as she and her best friend travel to Italy to find her supposed soul mate. While in Italy, she meets a mess of a man who helps her find the Damon Bradley. When she finally finds the real Damon Bradley, she is diasppointed yet surprised that she has been swept off her feet by the man who was in front of her face all along. This goes to show that sometimes the things most obvious aren't so obvious- especially when we're blinded by foolishness of we think could possibly be.

The List

Song: My List by Toby Keith
Dating, while at times difficult, has it's good points too. I have learned so much about myself in this short window of time. I've learned what is a have-to on my list and what is a good-to-have. This is assuming I actually follow my list any longer. Let me also mention I am a list person. I love making lists. Once I made a list of lists I needed to make. A bit much but that's just me. I started said "things to have in a mate" list when I was 18. This was under no prompting of anyone else. I was playing receptionist at job number 4 and needed something to pass the time during the waiting for the next phone call. On this list, I found it necessary that he like Chinese & Mexican food. I also wanted him to be Tom Cruise-esqe, Drew Carey-esqe, Nicolas Cage-esqe.

He should also want to go to concerts with me even if he didn't like them. Even at the age of 18 I had started my likes and dislikes list- although it was not as accurate as it needed to be. Years later, I heard a story of this woman who made a huge list of everything she wanted in a man- it was about 150 items, down to he needed to play a musical instrument. She met a man who actually fulfilled all but the musical instrument. She was ready to walk away when she discovered he was in fact musically inclined. At the wonderful news of this woman finding a diamond in the rough, I promptly went to work on my list. While I didn't know hair or eye color, I was willing to let God decide this feature. The items on my list seemed reasonable. Weeks, months, years passed as I waited for this list of a man to appear. During that time, I began to loathe the list and narrowed it down to 2 items- Love God, Love me- this seemed easy enough to remember. Present day, I don't have it written down yet but I have started a new list. The things we deem as so important early in life seem to fade with maturity. Sure it would fabulous to have a man with a Tom Cruise smile, a Drew Carey comedic timing- although I would go with Steve Carell today, and the mysterious talent of Nicolas Cage-- even though I can't recall the last movie of his that I've liked (in this decade). There was a brochure I used to teach from called 101 Things to Know Before Dating & Marriage. A lot of questions on this brochure made me laugh--
What is their last name?
Do they have children?
My favorite was, would you hire this person if they applied for a job?
I recently honed in on that question as it is the essence of dating. You apply for the position of being a person's significant other and quickly know within the first meeting if this job is for you. You accept under the terms of a 90 day trial. After 90 days, there will be a review to decide if this is indeed a good fit and things should proceed. Just as every job is not for you, every person is not for you. But sometimes you never know until you try.